Reality

Sometimes I wish reality would just break for a moment. A brief pause in the chaos of life. A moment to look at the world for what it really is instead of what we see it as because we can't break with our own world. Though I would never actually do drugs, I kinda understand the appeal for altering one's senses momentarily. To seize an alternate. To slow down and speed up. If only there was a way to do that that wasn't illegal, addicting, and dangerous.

It's that moment when we aren't quite awake and aren't quite asleep. I have an odd habit when I'm dreaming. Most people don't feel the sensation of pain when they sleep. I imagine that's why people say to pinch yourself when you're dreaming and you'll know that you are dreaming. I can't pinch myself in my sleep because I do feel it. I feel that quick sensation. There isn't that luxury of convincing my subconscious that it isn't real, I believe in my dreams. I wake up terrified. I wake up heart-racing, muscles sore from running, exhausted. Sleep isn't a relief for me at night. I think that's why I nap in the afternoon.

So you can imagine why I long for that in-between state. Peaceful. Where I'm fully in the world and not in a nightmare, but the world isn't the world but a more purified world. Or maybe it's more defiled. Either way it's a realer reality.