Adventures in Wonderland

So it has been a good and solid month since I've posted anything. Honestly I've just been to scattered. Journal entries written on scraps of paper in between the chaos that is the end of winter and beginning of spring. I'm not sure anything that I could have written would have been coherent and even if it was the ramblings have a madwoman are best left to herself. But here I find myself, stepping into a new spring and in the sake of spring cleaning, it's time to clear out some of my thoughts.

School is progressing nicely. Overall I enjoy my classes and although they might not seem overly stimulating at times, I'm busy. Work is busy too. It's remarkable how you can hold down 2 part time jobs and still be broke. Someday I hope to have enough of an income where I can put money into long term investments and retirement and savings and all that good stuff. My big accomplishment for this year is going to be paying off my credit card. It's small enough that it feels manageable without being overwhelming. Tax refunds are good things.

For the first time ever in school, I'm not looking forward to summer. Largely because I'm planning on taking Greek the entire time (ick) as well as working. And unlike last summer, I have nothing fun planned to look forward too. Just the summer heat and translating the NT.

But more than anything else, this past season I've been thinking about what it will mean to be a quarter of a century. How my life is measuring up. And you know what? I hate measuring. Everyone around me suddenly seems to be in an all fire hurry to get on with their lives. Too often I let that discourage me. But you know what also? Maybe it secretly means that I'm actually just more confident in the now than they are. Here's my logic: We are all so scared of losing what we have in this moment that is good that we jump for ways to hold on to it. We compromise ourselves and others for a quick fix without really assessing the long-term consequences. But I think it's more likely that we rush in and then set ourselves up for regrets and disappointments. I know that I've lived my life this way and it's exhausting. I become manipulative with myself and the people around me.

Dr. Creech likes to remind us that the only correct response to "what time is it and where am I?" is "right now and right here." How often do I actually respond with that? I'm always on the way to something without ever being present in my life. So to clean for spring I'm trying to clear away the idea that I need to be on someone else's pace, or that my pace is wrong. I don't want to get to where I'm in a hurry to go to and realize that I've burned bridges and taken a wrong turn to save time.