I am sick of Waco. I am sick of school. I am sick of never getting enough sleep and still never being able to sleep at night. I am sick of feeling like if I don't get out of here I'm going to lose my mind.
All I can think about is moving on and moving out. I don't know why this feeling is suddenly surging through my veins, but it's driving me crazy. At the same time, I don't want to just go back to Houston because I have no job there and I've already invested this much in this degree and I'd have to live with my parents and I know that I'll just end up back in Waco and I don't want to have to come back here. Does that make any sense at all? I feel stuck in this semester. Ready to move on but with nothing to move on too.
This is all overly melodramatic and I'm pretty sure I have some kind of personality disorder and that's why I both dislike myself and want everyone else to like me. I think that's narcissism. And probably talking about it is an example of that. And I know how stupid it is to complain because there are so many other problems in the world- legitimate problems and I shouldn't have a right to complain but I'm so stuck in my head and I can't get out.
Edit: Gillian says that I don't have a personality disorder.
Oh and Mim vomited tonight and I almost did cleaning it up. Grump.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Narcissists wouldn't care if they were narcissistic. Gillian is right that you don't have a personality disorder (tho if anything, it'd be avoidant - but that's coming from a schizoid PD person).
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I feel pretty much exactly the same. And I'm not in school. Heck, something about September always makes me want to skip school, even now. I had a weird moment last night where I was convinced that everyone else in the world was as sick of work as I was, and I wondered why society even keeps going. I still can't understand really.
But it's easier to keep going in the same direction than to try to turn and go a different direction. And it's WAY easier to keep going than to stop and then try to start again. So until you know for sure which way you want to turn, it's better to continue as you are than to stop. Or at least, that's how I see it.
I totally get where you're coming from. If it makes you feel better, College Station is about a million times worse than Waco. And I can say taht because I've lived in both.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I agree with Gillian that you don't have a personality disorder.